Charlie the 13 Year Old Poser Satanist Episode 5 Director’s Cut

Whenever I did get inspiration for these little things, I tried to keep some continuity going. Below is a good example of that. A lot of my female characters in earlier works (they were even more horrible than this and now totally lost) shared Tif’s mental problems. There might be something there…ANYWAYS ENJOY!

Charlie the Thirteen-Year-Old Poser Satanist
Episode 5 – Charlie’s Magical Love Adventure

Ah, the joys of Valentine’s Day, people all across the country do nice things for their special someone. There are cards and candy, flowers and gifts. It truly is a beautifully commercialized day. In classrooms across the country, teachers force their students to participate. They hand out pieces of red and pink construction paper, scissors and other tools of creativity. Charlie’s school isn’t much different. Nobody knew it yet but the school board had a special surprise for this Valentine’s Day…

“Now class I have a special announcement, tonight the school will be having its first ever Valentine’s Day dance. In order to make this dance into even more of a competitive sport, the school board has transferred fifty new female students from the other school across town. Five of these lucky ladies will be joining our class for the remainder of the school year.”

Charlie was excited to meet his new classmates, as well as the other pubescent boys in his class. He had purchased a special gift on Ebay just in case he should have any luck on Valentine’s Day. Having new girls in his class increased his chances and his head was swimming with ideas of what the Valentine’s Day dance would be like.

“Hey kid, look I know what you’re thinking. It’s not gonna happen. There are twice as many boys in this school than girls. Therefore, your chances are slim to none that you’ll have a date. Why don’t you take me over to Loco Paco’s Taco Pueblo tonight?”
“You never know Seymour, I could have a chance. I’m used to rejection so I’m just going to give it a try. If I don’t get a date no problem I’m used to it.”
“Whatever kid, just don’t get your hopes up.”

Charlie’s new classmates were coming in after lunch. He spent plenty of time rehearsing his pick up lines on Seymour who was more than reluctant to participate. Finally, lunch was over and the time for blossoming romance or crushing disappointment arrived. Ms. Geller told the class that there would be an hour-long meet and greet session and that whoever didn’t get a date to the dance would be put on mandatory decoration detail. The stakes were high and Charlie’s odds were low. The girls entered the classroom, working the room and sizing up their new male classmates. To Seymour’s surprise, one girl walked over to Charlie’s desk totally ignoring everyone else…

“Hello Chuckles.”
“Excuse me? My name is Charlie.”
“I know they gave us a briefing of every male in the class during the car ride here. I figured since you’re going to be my new boyfriend I’ll give you a cute nickname.”
“Wow they actually gave you a briefing? The school must really take this dance seriously.”
“Mhm.”
“So what’s your name?”
“Huh? What are you doing talking to me, by the way you’re dressed I figured you were gay or something.”
“What, wait you just said that you were going to make me your new boyfriend, you even gave me a nickname.”
“What are you talking about Chuckles? I know what I said it was only ten seconds ago. By the way I’m Tiffany, my friends call me Tif.”
“Um, okay then, well nice to meet you Tif.”
“I don’t remember introducing myself to you, and the name’s Sandy.”
“What, you just told me your name was Tiffany and that your friends call you Tif. Is this some kind of test to see if I’m listening or something?”
“Huh? Chuckles you’re going to have to stop these games. I’ll be right back; it’s time for me to take my medicine.”
“Um, okay then.”

Tif walked out of the classroom to take her medicine leaving Charlie scratching his head…

“Told ya I could get a girl Seymour, wow didn’t think it was going to be that easy.”
“Um, I’m happy for you kid but didn’t you notice how insane that was.”
“What are you talking about Seymour?”
“Ok exhibit A, she falls in love with you based solely on what was in that briefing they gave her. Exhibit B, One minute she is introducing herself to you and the next she is acting as if you have the bubonic plague. Exhibit C, She switched identities twice and then left to take medicine, I’m no doctor but I definitely think that girl’s got serious problems upstairs.”
“You’re just upset that I won’t be taking you to Loco Paco’s tonight. Now shut up she’s coming back.”
“Whatever…”

“Hey again Chuckles miss me?”
“Yeah, what are the pills for?”
“Nothing big, I have to take these pills twice a day or I feel funny.”
“Oh okay.”
“So are you going to ask me something?”
“Huh?”
“The dance silly.”
“Oh yeah, would you like to go to the dance with me?”
“Of course I would, I don’t know why you even had to ask. *smile*”

Just then, the all too familiar crackling voice of the principal came over the P.A. system…

“Attention faculty and students, in order to give you adequate preparation time for tonight’s dance, school will now let out. Just a reminder tonight’s dance starts promptly at 8:00 and is mandatory. All students who do not have a date will have to report to the gymnasium at 7:00 for decoration detail. That is all.”

With that, all the students packed their things and exited the building, some holding hands with their dates for the day and others walking out heads bowed with disappointment. Charlie walked Tif outside and then headed home with Seymour under his arm.

“Kid, would you just listen to me for a minute?”
“No Seymour, why can’t you just accept the fact that I’m happy?”
“I’m worried about you, there’s something wrong with her.”
“Yeah sure you’re worried about me that’s why you have me going to the morgue at midnight or to the Seven Eleven across town for a slurpee.”
“Fine you don’t want to listen to me no problem, it’s ok I’ll just teach some other kid how to be a good Satanist.”
“So what if she’s messed up, I finally have someone who likes me for me and that’s it. I’ll stop off at Loco Paco’s for you on the way back from the dance okay?”
“Ok, kid you’ll find out for yourself I’m not gonna say another word. Have fun tonight, and try to stay out of trouble.”
“No problem.”

Charlie arrived at the gym at a quarter to eight, he was supposed to meet Tif outside and then they were going to walk in together. At five minutes to eight Tif arrived and the two walked in hand and hand. Everything was going perfectly fine until an hour into the dance…

“Are you having a good time?”
“Mhm, are you?”
“Yeah. Do you want some punch?”
“Ok that would be great, thanks.”
“No problem.”

Charlie left his date and walked over to the punch table. On the way back, Charlie noticed that Tif was checking her watch and looking impatient…

“Here’s your punch.”
“What punch? What are you talking about? Oh it’s you the freak from before, didn’t you get the message?”
“What? I asked you five minutes ago if you wanted some punch and now you’re acting like I have ebola or something.”
“Look just get the hell away from me or I’ll scream sexual harassment.”
“Ok, ok no problem I’ll leave.”

Charlie left the dance and waited in the parking lot for his Dad to come pick him up. He didn’t understand what was going on but it wasn’t the first time he had dealt with rejection and cruel tricks…

“Well whatever is going on, it was obviously some stupid trick that somebody played on me. Seymour was right; nobody could ever like me, why do I even bother. Wait, a minute the pills that must be it, she must be some kind of split personality type person and the pills keep her normal. That means that she really does like me, well at least part of her…so I have to deal with her other half, nobody’s perfect.”

Just then, Tif walked out looking worried and wondering what had happened to Charlie…

“There you are where did you go? One minute your getting punch the next you’re gone.”
“Sorry about that some of the kids who didn’t get dates were pissed at me and decided to lock me up in the janitor’s closet, it took me an hour to realize they didn’t lock the door. By then the dance was over, so I decided to wait out here.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah I’m fine it wasn’t the first time.”
“Well I’m relieved to see you’re alright, oh here’s my mom I gotta go. See you Monday?”
“Yeah see you Monday.”

Charlie was so happy that he had found somebody he didn’t care that half of her hated him. Nobody’s perfect. As long as she remembered to take her pills, she was fine. It was turning out to be a good couple of weeks for him; he got a new pet and half a girlfriend all at the same time. Who cares, if the pet was an undead groundhog and his girlfriend was a psycho, as far as Charlie was concerned he was happy to have the company. To bad his luck didn’t last, five minutes after Tif left some guys who didn’t get dates really did lock him in the janitor’s closet, and they didn’t forget to lock the door…

Charlie the 13 Year Old Poser Satanist Episode 4 Director’s Cut + Bonus

From what I can remember this episode was written well after the previous three. Yes even then the punctuated equilibrium style of posting was in full effect. For that year’s groundhog day I wrote a special story which I have just found again so I will post that right on top of episode 4. It turned into a companion piece for four. I also had a picture of a cute little groundhog wishing everyone a happy holiday and a rifle pointing at his head yes I was very disturbed high schooler. In the original text I wrote Army of Dead instead of Army of Darkness. Really the only thing that needs correcting other than changing let’s go to I’ll go.

Um..Yea that’s it…enjoy!

SQUEASHY THE MANIC DEPRESSIVE GROUNDHOG

In zoos all across the country, groundhogs are preparing for the one day of the year when they get their fifteen minutes of fame. The eyes of the nation are glued to these furry little rodent creatures on February 2nd. Why does everyone care about groundhogs on this particular date? One reason is that EVERYONE IS INSANE. Another reason is that people believe the groundhog and his shadow determine whether we have lots more winter or lots less winter. Nobody knows why people believe this baseless fact; they just know that on February 2nd the groundhogs are in control….

IN THE LOCAL ZOO SQUEASHY WATCHES THE NEWS…

“…In other news tomorrow is Groundhog Day, yes Groundhog Day. People all across the country will be gathering at local zoos to see if the cute little guy will see his shadow or not which will somehow affect the revolution of the earth and give us more or less winter…”

“HOLY SHIT GROUNDHOG DAY IS TOMORROW!!!!!! I Squeashy the cutest groundhog this pathetic town has ever seen MUST PREPARE…wait what am I excited for nobody ever comes to see me. I have no friends nobody loves me…but maybe this year will be different yes everyone will come for miles around to check if there’re gonna have more winter or not…but then again does anybody really believe in the power of the groundhog…?”

THE NEXT DAY SQUEAHSY’S ALARM CLOCK AWAKES HIM AS IT DOES EVERY MORNING AND HE PREPARES TO MEET HIS ADORING FANS OR CRUSHING DISAPPOINTEMENT…

“Crap almost time…I don’t even think I can go through with it…what if nobody comes to see me I’ll probably be so depressed I’ll be on my toilet with a shotgun in my mouth five minutes later…but what if they do come I can’t disappoint them…Ok I’ll do it I’ll go topside so the stupid stink people of this town will know what their fate is…”

SO SQUEASHY THE GROUNDHOG STUCK HIS NOSE OUT OF HIS HOLE…

“LOOK IT’S THE GROUNDHOG EVERYBODY GET READY HE’S COMIN OUT GET READY ON THE COUNT OF THREE…

SQUEASHY WAS ELATED THAT PEOPLE HAD COME TO SEE HIM. HE JUMPED OUT OF HIS HOLE READY TO RECEIVE HIS APPLAUSE AND THE RECOGNITION HE DESERVED…

“THERE HE IS READY AIM FIRE…”

WITH THAT POOR SQUEASHY WAS DRILLED WITH BUCKSHOT, MACHINEGUN ROUNDS, 9mm SLUGS AND MANY OTHER TYPES OF AMMUNITION. HOW WAS SQUEASHY SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT THIS YEAR THERE WAS A NEW TRADITION THAT THIS YEAR NOBODY CARED ABOUT SHADOWS, THAT THIS YEAR ALL THE PEOPLE WANTED WAS BLOOD AND GROUNDHOG CHOPS…

Charlie the Thirteen-Year-Old Poser Satanist
Episode 4 – Night of the Kind-of Living Dead

Every once and a while, Seymour gets a bright idea, usually this means that Charlie has to hop on his bike and peddle somewhere he doesn’t really want to go. One time it was to the Seven Eleven on the bad side of town just because Seymour wanted a slurpee. Another time it was the morgue to see if the cadavers ever walk around at midnight. Then there was the time when Seymour decided that since the cadavers at the morgue don’t walk around at midnight it would be cool to make them…

“Hey kid what ya doing? Homework? Research paper that’s due in six months? Hmm? C’mon you can tell your old pal Seymour.”
“If you have to know Seymour I’m looking at cheap Valentine’s Day gifts on Ebay, it’s this Friday you know.”
“Hah, like anyone of those estrogen freaks would have anything to do with you.”
“Well you never know and you always tell me it’s good to be prepared.”
“Yeah yeah I know what I said I did say it after all…Hey I got an idea, while you’re on that there Ebay thing try searching for a book called the Necronomicon, doesn’t have to be the original, any edition will do.”
“Oh no not another idea Seymour last time you had me going to the morgue in the middle of the night, and isn’t that necro-whoozit the book from that Army of Darkness movie?”
“Yup that it is me boy and don’t worry if you don’t want to go back to the morgue I won’t make you.

Two days later the copy of the Necronomicon that Charlie had bought on Ebay arrived…

“Hey Charlie maybe you should get some sleep.”
“Why Seymour?”
“Cuz we’re hittin the morgue again tonight now that we got the book.”
“What? But you said I wouldn’t have to go back there.”
“Look do we have to go through this every time I suggest something? I mean all I’m tryin to do is make you into a good little Satanist so that you can have tons of friends, and this is the thanks I get.”
“Your right Seymour I’m sorry, I’ll go.”

After a two hour nap and five of Loco Paco’s Supremo Tacos later Charlie and Seymour arrive at the morgue…

“Well here we are Seymour now what?”
“Simple, pick a dead guy. Anybody would do but try to pick one who still got all his parts if you catch my drift.”

Charlie selected his “dead guy” who was once William Forest Van Husen the wealthy banker who used to live out in the outskirts of town…until he died that is…

“Ok kid now open up to the page I showed you and start reading.”
“Ok Seymour here goes.”

Charlie began to read the mystic words that were going to raise the late Mr. Van Husen from his slumber. There was just one problem, nothing was happening. Suddenly, something that appeared to be a semi-decomposed groundhog crashed through the window and landed at Charlie’s feet…

“AAAAAAHHH SEYMOUR WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?!?!?”
“Well Charlie it appears to be a semi-decomposed groundhog that has been reanimated by a bunch of mystic words…come to think of it he looks kind of like that groundhog that kooky farmer shot last Sunday when he didn’t like its forecast, remember, it sparked mass groundhog killings across the country.
“Holy crap I think you’re right Seymour.”
“Damnit that stupid Ebay vendor sold us the wrong book ours makes animal zombies not human ones.”
“Well what are we gonna do I mean we created him, don’t want some crazy revenge trip like out of that Shelley lady’s Frankenstein book.”
“Well if you’re gonna take him home I hope you know it’s a big responsibility and all that.”
“I know Seymour I’ll take good care of him; I think I’ll call him Frankie after that Frankenstein monster.”
“Ok well we should get going wouldn’t want anybody to find us here with an undead groundhog.”
“Yeah you’re right let’s go.

An hour and three special colonic cannon enchiladas, courtesy of Loco Paco, later Charlie and Seymour were back at his house…

“Hmm, let’s see he looks hungry I wonder what I could feed him.”
“Well zombies in the movies are cannibals maybe we can feed him some of our gerbils?”
“Okay sounds like an idea.”

With Frankie the zombie groundhog munching happily on a gerbil leg, and Charlie fast asleep after another hard day, we close this chapter in Charlie’s quest to be a good Satanist for all the wrong reasons.

Charlie the 13 Year Old Poser Satanist Episode 3 Director’s Cut

Third in the series up, and below it shall be. This marks the first appearance of Charlie’s senile teacher Ms. Geller inspiration for this character came from my high school biology teacher. He was so forgetful that it took him a few months to realize that the bell that rang 10 minutes into every class was not the end of class bell. He also called some boy Alice once. As well as giving us the wrong test for every chapter resulting in all of us failing. We never even dissected anything. Well here’s the episode.

Charlie the Thirteen-Year-Old
Episode 3 – Charlie’s School Daze

The school that Charlie attends is the same as every other school you may have seen or heard about. It has cliques and insane sadistic teachers. It has bullies, misfits, popular snobs, and all the other genres of the American student. As in every school, there is one teacher that is dangerously senile and extremely old, the type of teacher, usually female, whose age baffles even the best carbon daters. On this particular school day, Charlie is walking into this old senile teacher’s room. Not knowing what to expect Charlie takes his seat knowing he’ll have his old pal Seymour to see him through if things get too crazy…

“Hey kid psst what day is it?”
“Shhh Seymour be quiet you’re gonna get me in trouble.”
“Don’t shush me man what day is it?”
“Thursday it’s Thursday Seymour now will you please be quiet?”
“SWEET today is Taco day woohoo!”
“Seymour please be quiet you’re gonna get me in trouble.”

At this particular moment Ms. Geller’s selective hearing zones in on Charlie’s outbursts…

“Charles do you have something to contribute to our discussion on the invention of toast?”
“Um, no Ms. Geller not really and um weren’t we talking about the constitution?”
“Ah yes the constitution…well now that I’ve got your attention Alice, why don’t you tell me the constitution’s position on religion in schools.”
“It’s Charlie Ms. Geller my name’s Charlie and um the constitution’s position is…”
“Yes very good Thomas but unfortunately you are wrong. The correct answer dear William is that the constitution does in fact support religion in schools and with this in mind I will teach you a little bit about what years of religious conditioning tells us about life after death…”
“But Ms. Geller my name is Charlie and I didn’t even answer the question…”
“No no no Charles do not talk out of turn I will have to mark you down in my book that’s your third time today talking out of turn I guess you do not care much for the rules of the classroom.”
“What huh I’m really confused can I go to the bathroom?”
“Yes you may Kyle…now about heaven and hell…hell as you know is very hot kind of like a toaster oven…”

As Ms. Geller prattled on about something that no one understood Charlie put his things in his desk and walked out of the classroom, the period was over in five minutes anyways so he was just gonna hang out in the bathroom and talk to Seymour. At that particular moment the familiar crackling intercom voice of the principal, whom nobody ever saw, came on the P.A. system.

“Attention students. Students and faculty may have your attention please. According to this almanac here that I have been reading, today’s date has historically been one of intense snowstorms and accumulation. In light of this fact school will now dismiss so that you may make it home before the oncoming storms.”

With the magic words of school and dismiss being said by the principal in the same sentence, children began pouring out of the classrooms like rats fleeing a sinking ship. Poor Charlie had no choice but to be swept up in the crushing force of thousands of overcrowded students who were exiting the school through every door and window. Charlie was trampled, thrown, pushed and shoved; left unconscious at the foot of a stairwell. When he finally came to, it was several hours later…

“I hate snow days Seymour.”
“Hey kid do you think we can stop off at Loco Paco’s Taco Pueblo on the way home?”
“Sure Seymour let me just push my organs back in place. Okay let’s go.”
“Woohoo TACOS!!!!!”
“Sometimes I worry about you Seymour.”

Charlie the 13 Year Old Poser Satanist Episode 2 Director’s Cut

It’s time again for another DC of CTYOPS. Aren’t abbreviations fun? From what I can remember, this episode was written shortly after the first and tried to get a little more of that character sheet stuff in there with the gerbil ritual. It’s still early days and you can see here the beginnings of what would later become a staple of the series. If I wasn’t totally committed (and some people say I should be after reading these things) to bringing each episode back, I would skip to the ones that are better but I suppose if I were to fully ride this nostalgia train I gotta ride it from the start of the line. So here is episode 2

Charlie the Thirteen-Year-Old Poser Satanist:
Episode 2 – The Nightly Gerbil Massacre Interrupted

Every Sunday, Charlie takes a walk to his local pet store to pick up gerbils. The pet storeowner is a greedy balding man who does not really care what Charlie does with the gerbils. He doesn’t care that Charlie’s gerbils don’t survive the week; all he cares about is his business. Seymour tells Charlie that all hardcore Satanists do nightly rituals and if he ever wants to be like the other kids, he’ll have to do rituals as well. This is where the gerbils come in…

“Seymour I know that all Satanists perform rituals every night but do you think I could do one that’s a bit less disgusting I mean I doubt the gerbils enjoy being flayed alive and stuffed into jars.
“Listen kid you should consider yourself lucky most real Satanists do their rituals with goats and pigs, too bad the pet store doesn’t sell anything bigger than these gerbils.
“You’re right Seymour I’m sorry I’ll get started right away now where did I put my scalpel…”
“Yeah yeah now hurry up your Dad might come up for one of them awkward bondage talks.”
“Bonding Seymour not bondage…ah here’s that scalpel…”
“Bonding bondage same difference now hurry up or I’ll bite your finger off.”
“You wouldn’t do that Seymour.”

MEANWHILE DOWNSTAIRS, CHARLIE’S DAD HAS JUST FINISHED WATCHING A 20/20 SPECIAL ON CHILD DRUG ABUSE AND SUDDENLY FEELS THE URGE FOR A FATHER SON TALK…

“Crap put the stuff away I hear your Dad coming up the stairs.”
“Oh no I better hurry I don’t think he’ll buy the biology class story again.”

CHARLIES FATHER KNOCKS ON THE DOOR AND COMES IN NOT WAITING FOR A RESPONSE…

“Son I think it’s time we have another of our father son talks.”
“Ok Dad what’s up?”
“Well son I was just watching 20/20 and Barbara Walters was on there talking about drugs and well son you don’t do drugs right, I mean you can be honest with me.”
“Nope no drugs Dad.”
“That’s good son its good that you don’t do drugs. I know you go to that public school down the lane there…you know you can just say no if somebody asks, you right. Just because everybody else is doing something doesn’t mean you have to also.”
“I know Dad, don’t worry I’m to smart and individualistic to go along with what those stupid drug people say. Besides you don’t have to worry the other kids don’t do drugs and neither do I.”
“Well that’s good son…I guess I’ll leave you to your homework.”
“Okay Dad.”

CHARLIE’S DAD EXITS THE ROOM AND THE FATE OF THE GERBILS BECOMES SEALED ONCE MORE…

“That was a close one kid, good thing your Dad is as naive as you are…hehe individualistic that was a good one. You been studying for your vocabulary test there Charlie?”
“Actually I have, but what does that have to do with anything?”
“Never mind, now hurry up with that gerbil crap then we can sneak downstairs and get us some of them Oreos.”

THIS EPISODE OF CHARLIE THE THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLD POSER SATANIST HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE PARTNERSHIP FOR A DRUG FREE AMERICA. REMINDING YOU THAT YOU DO HAVE A CHOICE AND TO JUST SAY “NO.”

Charlie the 13 Year Old Poser Satanist Episode 1 Director’s Cut

This is the first of what turned out to be quite a few of these episodes. I wrote this late in the summer of 2003. I remember feeling the need to write something and came up with a character and his skull friend. Yes it echoes Calvin and Hobbes and Squee, but I like to think I put my own spin on the classic boy with imaginary friend shtick. I remember writing a quick little character detail sheet with a girl who was a friend of a friend and who had recently moved down south somewhere. I also remember her not liking that not much of that original sheet made it into the first episode. I had written it very quickly with little to no forethought and figured I would let it all grow as organically as possible.

The way the writing process for the series went down is that an idea would pop into my head and it would grow until my brain hurt and I had to type it out. Very Zeus I would say. The stories underwent little to no revisions and I usually wrote them and posted them as quick as they came out. Rarely did it take more than an hour or two to go from idea to full episode. Odds are the quickness and lack of the standard revision process led to some inconsistencies here and there but I always thought that it lent a certain character and a unique feature to the episodes.

I will be posting them all steadily as the summer wears on editing and revising what is necessary but always posting the original unedited copy as well as whatever I can remember about the time I first wrote the episode.

So without any further ado here is…

Charlie the Thirteen-Year-Old Poser Satanist:
Episode 1 – A Walk Home from School

“Seymour how come nobody likes me, how come the other kids won’t let me hang out with them?”
“Well kid maybe it’s because you freak people out by carrying around a disembodied skull and talk to it.”
“But Seymour you said that if I carried you around with me everybody would think I was a hardcore Satanist and that they would all wanna be my friend.”
“I say a lot of things little man now pick up the pace tonight is taco night and you know I’m gonna want you to bring me up some of that.”
“Ok Seymour but do I really have to sacrifice the gerbils tonight? I mean I don’t like hurting the gerbils and they smell bad.”
“Listen kid you want to be a Satanist or not.”
“Of course I do Seymour but all the stuff you tell me to do just gets me weird looks from people.”

MEANWHILE ACROSS THE STREET…

“Hey look Mike there’s that freaky kid Charlie and his skull friend.”
“Hehehe yeah Charlie man that dude tries too hard to fit in don’t he Jay.”
“True dat dawg now let’s get back to my hizzy fo shizzy the Source Music Awards are on tonight.”
“Hey hold up man I gotta hike up my pants a bit I can barely walk when they’re this low.”
“Look man ya wanna be down then your pants gotta be down too ya dig?”
“Yeah yeah I got you…”

BACK OVER WITH CHARLIE…

“Hey look Seymour, there’s Mike and Jay. They’re always talking about how I’m a poser but look at them we live in friggen New Hampshire and they’re acting like they live in east L.A. I hate them I hate them so much.”
“So why don’t you do something about it if you hate them so much.”
“Nope they’ll punch my head I know it.”
“You know Charlie real Satanists aren’t afraid of bullies because they know that they have the almighty power of Lucifer behind them.”
“Hey you’re right Seymour I do have the power of Hell behind me I’m gonna go over there right now and tell them off.”

LATER THAT NIGHT AT THE PEDIATRICS EMERGENCY WARD…

“Why do I listen to you Seymour? All you do is get me in trouble.”
“Hey don’t blame me kid I’m just a schizophrenic delusion created by your intense need for companionship.”
“You talk funny sometimes Seymour but I still love you.”
*sigh*