It Came From the SPAAAAAAM Folder!!!! TARDIS Edition

Spam was better back in 06 and 07.  Don’t believe me? Well then step into my little blue box and see for yourself…


Now it may look like a tight fit but trust me there is PLENTY of room.  Yes yes it’s bigger on the inside now then off to those aforementioned years for….It Came From the SPAAAAAAM Folder!!!!


The first example of internet flotsam and jetsam (read used condom coming in on the tide) comes from the glorious year of 2006.  Yes 2006 if you can’t remember what was going on then maybe this will give you a refresher.


Anyway onto the spam!

Dated Thu, September 7, 2006 3:48:20 PM the subject reads:

When I came to apply for a job I knew that the manager

Now who wouldn’t be interested in this?  Around this time I was a recent graduate and of course the job search was ongoing so any advice no matter source was welcome.  I was hoping for something to help me land that dream job.  I was not expecting this:

Y0u think there is nothing spec1@l @bout your
friend but he is alway$ surrounded by the prettiest w0men.
M@ybe he is u$ing Ultra Allure Pher0mones.

Well maybe I should have known better.  Hooray random replacement of letters with characters and a body that has not a damn thing to do with the subject.   I love the assumption as well.  My friend is surrounded by women he must be using some obscure product that no one has heard of because it obviously works so well.  It couldn’t be that he’s good with the ladies, NOO perish the thought.

Well that is it for 2006 yes we all lived through it all so let’s move on shall we off to 2007.  Here’s another refresher

This piece of internet superhighway rest stop bathroom graffiti was dated Thu, November 29, 2007 5:44:14 AM.  What is it with Thursdays?  Never ignore a coincidence unless of course you’re busy then always ignore a coincidence.

The subject reads:

Ferreri Maricela

How could I resist?  Who is this person that sounds like an Italian sports car made for very tiny people with way too much money?  So clickity click we go and the body is a doozie!


We promise it now: Without curative effect , will return the fund!
Right off the bat they try to instill some trust.  Looks like they’ll give you your money back if it fails.  Well what could go wrong?
Dedicate to your lover

Oh goody one of THOSE.

The male protection organization of the world recommends to you :
Or maybe not?  The male protection organization of the world?  The MPOOTW have recommended this product? Well then it must be bloody fantastic.  Wait how long has this organization been around?  Is there a handshake?  What exactly are they protecting us from?  Is there an amazonian uprising we don’t know about going on in 2007?

You guys have made my dreams come true

We sell in stability for 6 years, Think we have advantage of prices at the same time

SIX YEARS?  Now I’m trying to conserve power so we won’t be joyriding throughout the rest of this decade looking for proof but I highly doubt it.
You give us a chance, we return a miracle to you!

A miracle really?   Does the pope know about this?

We advise you to use: 6 BOTTLES OF MEGADIK + 3 FREE BOTTLES
That is the best course of treatment, and there are discounts!

9 BOTTLE OF MEGADIK?  Where do I sign holy crap I must have this  and there are discounts you say tell me more.

Now is the special discount time!

Yes yes you mentioned that already.

We visit the customer regularly, accept the suggestion of some customers at the same time

Wait wait you’ll visit me if I order this?  I hope you’ll call first.

enhance your anatomy

Kinda figured it was self explanatory with a name like MEGADIK and all.

Our customer’s message:
I cannot afford the ridiculous prescription costs since I have no health insurance and am unemployed. Your discount rates on the Internet really helped me, and your staff was very knowledgeable and helpful. I saw immediate results, and now I have regained the confidence I had when I was younger, in the bedroom. -Kenneth, Salt Lake City

Well it obviously worked for Kenneth they should hire him to write these emails his english is better

You have our hest wishes for even greater success in all that you undertake!

Hest? and thanks? Is that to Kenneth or to me?

Oh never mind then well that explains it all.


I hope you enjoyed this pleasant trip through time now then we’re coming back in so take care of yourself and be kind to yourself and tune in next time fooooooor….It Came From the SPAAAAAAM Folder!!!!


20060322 00:27:00
Hello one and all welcome to the first of I hope to be many episodes of IT CAME FROM THE SPAAAAAAM FOLDER!!!

In this punctuated equilibrium livejournal series I will be bringing you stupid, funny, or another spamtastic adjective, type emails that come directly from my Yahoo! Mail Bulk folder.

For some reason I get about 6 or 7 of these every day.  Most of them are standard LOOKY PORN types or free viagra but a few special gems do come in every now and again and it is these that I will bring to you here in IT CAME FROM THE SPAAAAAAM FOLDER!!!

Let’s get started.

The first email of the night has a subject containing the words “Your neighbors lost their alarm clock”  Now who wouldnt be curious as to the contents of this little piece of internet shit.  Upon opening the email we are presented with a one liner in n00bish as well as a link to who the hell knows what because I don’t like spyware and viruses.  I swear I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried…

With our S0ft Cialis Tabs y0u will be able to chop the w00d w1th your dick.(Warning: don’t try it).
I really do appreciate the warnings I can just imagine the stream of news reports that would come out if people weren’t warned about engaging in this particular activity.

Our next little piece of human generated online stupidity just happens to have a subject line that’s word for word the same as its body the only difference is that the former ain’t in n00bish…
Subject: The size of your penis is your definition of life, define it with Advanced Gain Pro Penis     Enlargement Pills.
Body: The size of your penis i$ your defin1tion of life, define it with Advanced Gain Pro Penis Enl@rgement Pills.

Finally, we have an email from one connery_brian.  This email has a simple one word “Hello!”  Well isn’t that nice maybe ol’ Brian is looking for a friend or maybe not…

“Your neighbors lost their alarm-clock.
Don’t worry, the sounds of your satisfaction from having sex with our new Soft Cialis Tabs
will make them wake up every morning or even have sleepless nights if you enlarge your dose.

You seem to have everything in your life but good sex.
Our Soft Viagra tabs will complete your life.
My name is Erectile Dysfunction.
I have a lot of friends such us: bad sex, awful mood, dissatisfied wife, short erections and spoiled condoms.
But I do have one enemy – its name is Soft Cialis Tabs.
When they appear, I disappear. ”

Oh look the lost body of our first email and didn’t he say his name was Brian?  Maybe this is a one character short play or a poem he wants to share with the world, or maybe its just another one of those online colostomy bags THAT CAME FROM THE SPAAAAAAM FOLDER!!!!!