Charlie the 13 Year Old Poser Satanist Episode 5 Director’s Cut

Whenever I did get inspiration for these little things, I tried to keep some continuity going. Below is a good example of that. A lot of my female characters in earlier works (they were even more horrible than this and now totally lost) shared Tif’s mental problems. There might be something there…ANYWAYS ENJOY!

Charlie the Thirteen-Year-Old Poser Satanist
Episode 5 – Charlie’s Magical Love Adventure

Ah, the joys of Valentine’s Day, people all across the country do nice things for their special someone. There are cards and candy, flowers and gifts. It truly is a beautifully commercialized day. In classrooms across the country, teachers force their students to participate. They hand out pieces of red and pink construction paper, scissors and other tools of creativity. Charlie’s school isn’t much different. Nobody knew it yet but the school board had a special surprise for this Valentine’s Day…

“Now class I have a special announcement, tonight the school will be having its first ever Valentine’s Day dance. In order to make this dance into even more of a competitive sport, the school board has transferred fifty new female students from the other school across town. Five of these lucky ladies will be joining our class for the remainder of the school year.”

Charlie was excited to meet his new classmates, as well as the other pubescent boys in his class. He had purchased a special gift on Ebay just in case he should have any luck on Valentine’s Day. Having new girls in his class increased his chances and his head was swimming with ideas of what the Valentine’s Day dance would be like.

“Hey kid, look I know what you’re thinking. It’s not gonna happen. There are twice as many boys in this school than girls. Therefore, your chances are slim to none that you’ll have a date. Why don’t you take me over to Loco Paco’s Taco Pueblo tonight?”
“You never know Seymour, I could have a chance. I’m used to rejection so I’m just going to give it a try. If I don’t get a date no problem I’m used to it.”
“Whatever kid, just don’t get your hopes up.”

Charlie’s new classmates were coming in after lunch. He spent plenty of time rehearsing his pick up lines on Seymour who was more than reluctant to participate. Finally, lunch was over and the time for blossoming romance or crushing disappointment arrived. Ms. Geller told the class that there would be an hour-long meet and greet session and that whoever didn’t get a date to the dance would be put on mandatory decoration detail. The stakes were high and Charlie’s odds were low. The girls entered the classroom, working the room and sizing up their new male classmates. To Seymour’s surprise, one girl walked over to Charlie’s desk totally ignoring everyone else…

“Hello Chuckles.”
“Excuse me? My name is Charlie.”
“I know they gave us a briefing of every male in the class during the car ride here. I figured since you’re going to be my new boyfriend I’ll give you a cute nickname.”
“Wow they actually gave you a briefing? The school must really take this dance seriously.”
“So what’s your name?”
“Huh? What are you doing talking to me, by the way you’re dressed I figured you were gay or something.”
“What, wait you just said that you were going to make me your new boyfriend, you even gave me a nickname.”
“What are you talking about Chuckles? I know what I said it was only ten seconds ago. By the way I’m Tiffany, my friends call me Tif.”
“Um, okay then, well nice to meet you Tif.”
“I don’t remember introducing myself to you, and the name’s Sandy.”
“What, you just told me your name was Tiffany and that your friends call you Tif. Is this some kind of test to see if I’m listening or something?”
“Huh? Chuckles you’re going to have to stop these games. I’ll be right back; it’s time for me to take my medicine.”
“Um, okay then.”

Tif walked out of the classroom to take her medicine leaving Charlie scratching his head…

“Told ya I could get a girl Seymour, wow didn’t think it was going to be that easy.”
“Um, I’m happy for you kid but didn’t you notice how insane that was.”
“What are you talking about Seymour?”
“Ok exhibit A, she falls in love with you based solely on what was in that briefing they gave her. Exhibit B, One minute she is introducing herself to you and the next she is acting as if you have the bubonic plague. Exhibit C, She switched identities twice and then left to take medicine, I’m no doctor but I definitely think that girl’s got serious problems upstairs.”
“You’re just upset that I won’t be taking you to Loco Paco’s tonight. Now shut up she’s coming back.”

“Hey again Chuckles miss me?”
“Yeah, what are the pills for?”
“Nothing big, I have to take these pills twice a day or I feel funny.”
“Oh okay.”
“So are you going to ask me something?”
“The dance silly.”
“Oh yeah, would you like to go to the dance with me?”
“Of course I would, I don’t know why you even had to ask. *smile*”

Just then, the all too familiar crackling voice of the principal came over the P.A. system…

“Attention faculty and students, in order to give you adequate preparation time for tonight’s dance, school will now let out. Just a reminder tonight’s dance starts promptly at 8:00 and is mandatory. All students who do not have a date will have to report to the gymnasium at 7:00 for decoration detail. That is all.”

With that, all the students packed their things and exited the building, some holding hands with their dates for the day and others walking out heads bowed with disappointment. Charlie walked Tif outside and then headed home with Seymour under his arm.

“Kid, would you just listen to me for a minute?”
“No Seymour, why can’t you just accept the fact that I’m happy?”
“I’m worried about you, there’s something wrong with her.”
“Yeah sure you’re worried about me that’s why you have me going to the morgue at midnight or to the Seven Eleven across town for a slurpee.”
“Fine you don’t want to listen to me no problem, it’s ok I’ll just teach some other kid how to be a good Satanist.”
“So what if she’s messed up, I finally have someone who likes me for me and that’s it. I’ll stop off at Loco Paco’s for you on the way back from the dance okay?”
“Ok, kid you’ll find out for yourself I’m not gonna say another word. Have fun tonight, and try to stay out of trouble.”
“No problem.”

Charlie arrived at the gym at a quarter to eight, he was supposed to meet Tif outside and then they were going to walk in together. At five minutes to eight Tif arrived and the two walked in hand and hand. Everything was going perfectly fine until an hour into the dance…

“Are you having a good time?”
“Mhm, are you?”
“Yeah. Do you want some punch?”
“Ok that would be great, thanks.”
“No problem.”

Charlie left his date and walked over to the punch table. On the way back, Charlie noticed that Tif was checking her watch and looking impatient…

“Here’s your punch.”
“What punch? What are you talking about? Oh it’s you the freak from before, didn’t you get the message?”
“What? I asked you five minutes ago if you wanted some punch and now you’re acting like I have ebola or something.”
“Look just get the hell away from me or I’ll scream sexual harassment.”
“Ok, ok no problem I’ll leave.”

Charlie left the dance and waited in the parking lot for his Dad to come pick him up. He didn’t understand what was going on but it wasn’t the first time he had dealt with rejection and cruel tricks…

“Well whatever is going on, it was obviously some stupid trick that somebody played on me. Seymour was right; nobody could ever like me, why do I even bother. Wait, a minute the pills that must be it, she must be some kind of split personality type person and the pills keep her normal. That means that she really does like me, well at least part of her…so I have to deal with her other half, nobody’s perfect.”

Just then, Tif walked out looking worried and wondering what had happened to Charlie…

“There you are where did you go? One minute your getting punch the next you’re gone.”
“Sorry about that some of the kids who didn’t get dates were pissed at me and decided to lock me up in the janitor’s closet, it took me an hour to realize they didn’t lock the door. By then the dance was over, so I decided to wait out here.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah I’m fine it wasn’t the first time.”
“Well I’m relieved to see you’re alright, oh here’s my mom I gotta go. See you Monday?”
“Yeah see you Monday.”

Charlie was so happy that he had found somebody he didn’t care that half of her hated him. Nobody’s perfect. As long as she remembered to take her pills, she was fine. It was turning out to be a good couple of weeks for him; he got a new pet and half a girlfriend all at the same time. Who cares, if the pet was an undead groundhog and his girlfriend was a psycho, as far as Charlie was concerned he was happy to have the company. To bad his luck didn’t last, five minutes after Tif left some guys who didn’t get dates really did lock him in the janitor’s closet, and they didn’t forget to lock the door…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *