Kirby’s Epic Yarn at 90%: Cute as a Button

Known around the world as the cute little cream puff that sucks up all that stuff, Kirby has appeared on every Nintendo platform.  Being able to suck up and copy enemies is to Kirby as throwing a fireball is to Mario.  What if for some reason he couldn’t?  What if he were forced to embody something else?  What if it were yarn?  Would it be worth playing?  Would it even be a Kirby game? Read More »

Ghostbusters the Video Game at 83%: Bustin’ makes me feel…?

Children of the 80’s rejoiced when it was revealed that the boys in gray would return in a new video game across every platform.  The joy reached epic levels when it was confirmed that Dan Aykroyd and Harold Ramis would write the game and that all four Ghostbusters would reprise their roles. In fact nearly everyone from the movies would be returning to lend their talents.  With all of this hype and excitement as well as 20 years of waiting, could the game possibly live up to all of that?  Well…Yes and no. Read More »

It Came From the SPAAAAAAM Folder!!!! TARDIS Edition

Spam was better back in 06 and 07.  Don’t believe me? Well then step into my little blue box and see for yourself…


Now it may look like a tight fit but trust me there is PLENTY of room.  Yes yes it’s bigger on the inside now then off to those aforementioned years for….It Came From the SPAAAAAAM Folder!!!!


The first example of internet flotsam and jetsam (read used condom coming in on the tide) comes from the glorious year of 2006.  Yes 2006 if you can’t remember what was going on then maybe this will give you a refresher.


Anyway onto the spam!

Dated Thu, September 7, 2006 3:48:20 PM the subject reads:

When I came to apply for a job I knew that the manager

Now who wouldn’t be interested in this?  Around this time I was a recent graduate and of course the job search was ongoing so any advice no matter source was welcome.  I was hoping for something to help me land that dream job.  I was not expecting this:

Y0u think there is nothing spec1@l @bout your
friend but he is alway$ surrounded by the prettiest w0men.
M@ybe he is u$ing Ultra Allure Pher0mones.

Well maybe I should have known better.  Hooray random replacement of letters with characters and a body that has not a damn thing to do with the subject.   I love the assumption as well.  My friend is surrounded by women he must be using some obscure product that no one has heard of because it obviously works so well.  It couldn’t be that he’s good with the ladies, NOO perish the thought.

Well that is it for 2006 yes we all lived through it all so let’s move on shall we off to 2007.  Here’s another refresher

This piece of internet superhighway rest stop bathroom graffiti was dated Thu, November 29, 2007 5:44:14 AM.  What is it with Thursdays?  Never ignore a coincidence unless of course you’re busy then always ignore a coincidence.

The subject reads:

Ferreri Maricela

How could I resist?  Who is this person that sounds like an Italian sports car made for very tiny people with way too much money?  So clickity click we go and the body is a doozie!


We promise it now: Without curative effect , will return the fund!
Right off the bat they try to instill some trust.  Looks like they’ll give you your money back if it fails.  Well what could go wrong?
Dedicate to your lover

Oh goody one of THOSE.

The male protection organization of the world recommends to you :
Or maybe not?  The male protection organization of the world?  The MPOOTW have recommended this product? Well then it must be bloody fantastic.  Wait how long has this organization been around?  Is there a handshake?  What exactly are they protecting us from?  Is there an amazonian uprising we don’t know about going on in 2007?

You guys have made my dreams come true

We sell in stability for 6 years, Think we have advantage of prices at the same time

SIX YEARS?  Now I’m trying to conserve power so we won’t be joyriding throughout the rest of this decade looking for proof but I highly doubt it.
You give us a chance, we return a miracle to you!

A miracle really?   Does the pope know about this?

We advise you to use: 6 BOTTLES OF MEGADIK + 3 FREE BOTTLES
That is the best course of treatment, and there are discounts!

9 BOTTLE OF MEGADIK?  Where do I sign holy crap I must have this  and there are discounts you say tell me more.

Now is the special discount time!

Yes yes you mentioned that already.

We visit the customer regularly, accept the suggestion of some customers at the same time

Wait wait you’ll visit me if I order this?  I hope you’ll call first.

enhance your anatomy

Kinda figured it was self explanatory with a name like MEGADIK and all.

Our customer’s message:
I cannot afford the ridiculous prescription costs since I have no health insurance and am unemployed. Your discount rates on the Internet really helped me, and your staff was very knowledgeable and helpful. I saw immediate results, and now I have regained the confidence I had when I was younger, in the bedroom. -Kenneth, Salt Lake City

Well it obviously worked for Kenneth they should hire him to write these emails his english is better

You have our hest wishes for even greater success in all that you undertake!

Hest? and thanks? Is that to Kenneth or to me?

Oh never mind then well that explains it all.


I hope you enjoyed this pleasant trip through time now then we’re coming back in so take care of yourself and be kind to yourself and tune in next time fooooooor….It Came From the SPAAAAAAM Folder!!!!


20060322 00:27:00
Hello one and all welcome to the first of I hope to be many episodes of IT CAME FROM THE SPAAAAAAM FOLDER!!!

In this punctuated equilibrium livejournal series I will be bringing you stupid, funny, or another spamtastic adjective, type emails that come directly from my Yahoo! Mail Bulk folder.

For some reason I get about 6 or 7 of these every day.  Most of them are standard LOOKY PORN types or free viagra but a few special gems do come in every now and again and it is these that I will bring to you here in IT CAME FROM THE SPAAAAAAM FOLDER!!!

Let’s get started.

The first email of the night has a subject containing the words “Your neighbors lost their alarm clock”  Now who wouldnt be curious as to the contents of this little piece of internet shit.  Upon opening the email we are presented with a one liner in n00bish as well as a link to who the hell knows what because I don’t like spyware and viruses.  I swear I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried…

With our S0ft Cialis Tabs y0u will be able to chop the w00d w1th your dick.(Warning: don’t try it).
I really do appreciate the warnings I can just imagine the stream of news reports that would come out if people weren’t warned about engaging in this particular activity.

Our next little piece of human generated online stupidity just happens to have a subject line that’s word for word the same as its body the only difference is that the former ain’t in n00bish…
Subject: The size of your penis is your definition of life, define it with Advanced Gain Pro Penis     Enlargement Pills.
Body: The size of your penis i$ your defin1tion of life, define it with Advanced Gain Pro Penis Enl@rgement Pills.

Finally, we have an email from one connery_brian.  This email has a simple one word “Hello!”  Well isn’t that nice maybe ol’ Brian is looking for a friend or maybe not…

“Your neighbors lost their alarm-clock.
Don’t worry, the sounds of your satisfaction from having sex with our new Soft Cialis Tabs
will make them wake up every morning or even have sleepless nights if you enlarge your dose.

You seem to have everything in your life but good sex.
Our Soft Viagra tabs will complete your life.
My name is Erectile Dysfunction.
I have a lot of friends such us: bad sex, awful mood, dissatisfied wife, short erections and spoiled condoms.
But I do have one enemy – its name is Soft Cialis Tabs.
When they appear, I disappear. ”

Oh look the lost body of our first email and didn’t he say his name was Brian?  Maybe this is a one character short play or a poem he wants to share with the world, or maybe its just another one of those online colostomy bags THAT CAME FROM THE SPAAAAAAM FOLDER!!!!!

Old habits die hard. Sorry for anything.

So it has been a little over two months since the last update. I should have stuck to livejournal at least with that failure to update isn’t a waste of money. Like I said somewhere can’t remember if it was the split second vlog or a text post or maybe to someone but I said somewhere that for a while in the spring I went crazy from some medication I was taking for my highly debilitating medical condition and during that time it was if I was on speed for about a month and half. Also during that time I bought this website. I was moving too fast at the time to do anything with it but as I slowed down from the speed of light to the speed of sound, I slapped WordPress on the thing thinking it would make updates super easy and allow me to constantly chuck content.

That was the plan. Now it’s the fall and I am feeling just as sick or sicker than I have ever felt before. That medication turned me into something that I wasn’t. It made me into an obnoxious raving lunatic and I am sure I blew whatever reputation or opinions of me to hell. No matter how good it made me feel I will never go through that again. I will never subject myself and those around me to that person again. The worst part is that at the time I thought I was finally cured after so long. That it was finally over. Instead the lows are deeper after experiencing such highs. Around two months ago is when it all came back fully.

I’ve spent that time struggling with it and pushing hard again with my doctor to finally kill it once and for all. No answers yet though. Half the time I’m feeling like I’m crazy because no one can find out what’s wrong with me. Is it all in my head? Is it physical? Is it both? No idea. It just never ends and it keeps eating my days away.

The reason for this post is to apologize publicly and openly for anything I may have said or done when I was fucked up in the spring and anything I didn’t do or say over the summer. I keep thinking back over the last handful of months and I get embarrassed and anxious. None of that was me. I don’t even know if I did anything that bad in anyone’s mind but in my own I did. So again if I offended you or did anything over that time I am truly deeply sorry.

That concludes the Life portion of the post now comes the Site News part.

My Xbox died which led to that means for content to go with it. Financial situation has not allowed me to buy a new one until now so look forward to more reviews let’s plays and stack attacking. Yes I know half of the stack was PS2 games but that’s a different story. I’ll be posting the rest of the Charlies over the next week or two mostly for completions sake. Whether they are worthwhile or not I don’t know but at the very least they trigger some happier memories for me sometimes.

And another thing. The FYE membership thing that I praised so highly turned into a ripoff. They don’t tell you about the thirteen bucks that they charge your credit card every month and the magazines were never free. I think that’s it.

In case you are wondering punctlibrium is short for punctuated equilibrium. The evolutionary theory that there are long periods of EQUILIBRIUM that are PUNCTUATED with births of growth. So I guess not updating this place for two months is very much in the spirit of the name. I’ll see if I can’t make it kinda ironic soon.

Thanks for reading leave a comment if you wish. Would like to know if I’ve made up in a small way for what I have done.

The Breakfast Club
Daniel J. Agman

Charlie the 13 Year Old Poser Satanist Episode 5 Director’s Cut

Whenever I did get inspiration for these little things, I tried to keep some continuity going. Below is a good example of that. A lot of my female characters in earlier works (they were even more horrible than this and now totally lost) shared Tif’s mental problems. There might be something there…ANYWAYS ENJOY!

Charlie the Thirteen-Year-Old Poser Satanist
Episode 5 – Charlie’s Magical Love Adventure

Ah, the joys of Valentine’s Day, people all across the country do nice things for their special someone. There are cards and candy, flowers and gifts. It truly is a beautifully commercialized day. In classrooms across the country, teachers force their students to participate. They hand out pieces of red and pink construction paper, scissors and other tools of creativity. Charlie’s school isn’t much different. Nobody knew it yet but the school board had a special surprise for this Valentine’s Day…

“Now class I have a special announcement, tonight the school will be having its first ever Valentine’s Day dance. In order to make this dance into even more of a competitive sport, the school board has transferred fifty new female students from the other school across town. Five of these lucky ladies will be joining our class for the remainder of the school year.”

Charlie was excited to meet his new classmates, as well as the other pubescent boys in his class. He had purchased a special gift on Ebay just in case he should have any luck on Valentine’s Day. Having new girls in his class increased his chances and his head was swimming with ideas of what the Valentine’s Day dance would be like.

“Hey kid, look I know what you’re thinking. It’s not gonna happen. There are twice as many boys in this school than girls. Therefore, your chances are slim to none that you’ll have a date. Why don’t you take me over to Loco Paco’s Taco Pueblo tonight?”
“You never know Seymour, I could have a chance. I’m used to rejection so I’m just going to give it a try. If I don’t get a date no problem I’m used to it.”
“Whatever kid, just don’t get your hopes up.”

Charlie’s new classmates were coming in after lunch. He spent plenty of time rehearsing his pick up lines on Seymour who was more than reluctant to participate. Finally, lunch was over and the time for blossoming romance or crushing disappointment arrived. Ms. Geller told the class that there would be an hour-long meet and greet session and that whoever didn’t get a date to the dance would be put on mandatory decoration detail. The stakes were high and Charlie’s odds were low. The girls entered the classroom, working the room and sizing up their new male classmates. To Seymour’s surprise, one girl walked over to Charlie’s desk totally ignoring everyone else…

“Hello Chuckles.”
“Excuse me? My name is Charlie.”
“I know they gave us a briefing of every male in the class during the car ride here. I figured since you’re going to be my new boyfriend I’ll give you a cute nickname.”
“Wow they actually gave you a briefing? The school must really take this dance seriously.”
“So what’s your name?”
“Huh? What are you doing talking to me, by the way you’re dressed I figured you were gay or something.”
“What, wait you just said that you were going to make me your new boyfriend, you even gave me a nickname.”
“What are you talking about Chuckles? I know what I said it was only ten seconds ago. By the way I’m Tiffany, my friends call me Tif.”
“Um, okay then, well nice to meet you Tif.”
“I don’t remember introducing myself to you, and the name’s Sandy.”
“What, you just told me your name was Tiffany and that your friends call you Tif. Is this some kind of test to see if I’m listening or something?”
“Huh? Chuckles you’re going to have to stop these games. I’ll be right back; it’s time for me to take my medicine.”
“Um, okay then.”

Tif walked out of the classroom to take her medicine leaving Charlie scratching his head…

“Told ya I could get a girl Seymour, wow didn’t think it was going to be that easy.”
“Um, I’m happy for you kid but didn’t you notice how insane that was.”
“What are you talking about Seymour?”
“Ok exhibit A, she falls in love with you based solely on what was in that briefing they gave her. Exhibit B, One minute she is introducing herself to you and the next she is acting as if you have the bubonic plague. Exhibit C, She switched identities twice and then left to take medicine, I’m no doctor but I definitely think that girl’s got serious problems upstairs.”
“You’re just upset that I won’t be taking you to Loco Paco’s tonight. Now shut up she’s coming back.”

“Hey again Chuckles miss me?”
“Yeah, what are the pills for?”
“Nothing big, I have to take these pills twice a day or I feel funny.”
“Oh okay.”
“So are you going to ask me something?”
“The dance silly.”
“Oh yeah, would you like to go to the dance with me?”
“Of course I would, I don’t know why you even had to ask. *smile*”

Just then, the all too familiar crackling voice of the principal came over the P.A. system…

“Attention faculty and students, in order to give you adequate preparation time for tonight’s dance, school will now let out. Just a reminder tonight’s dance starts promptly at 8:00 and is mandatory. All students who do not have a date will have to report to the gymnasium at 7:00 for decoration detail. That is all.”

With that, all the students packed their things and exited the building, some holding hands with their dates for the day and others walking out heads bowed with disappointment. Charlie walked Tif outside and then headed home with Seymour under his arm.

“Kid, would you just listen to me for a minute?”
“No Seymour, why can’t you just accept the fact that I’m happy?”
“I’m worried about you, there’s something wrong with her.”
“Yeah sure you’re worried about me that’s why you have me going to the morgue at midnight or to the Seven Eleven across town for a slurpee.”
“Fine you don’t want to listen to me no problem, it’s ok I’ll just teach some other kid how to be a good Satanist.”
“So what if she’s messed up, I finally have someone who likes me for me and that’s it. I’ll stop off at Loco Paco’s for you on the way back from the dance okay?”
“Ok, kid you’ll find out for yourself I’m not gonna say another word. Have fun tonight, and try to stay out of trouble.”
“No problem.”

Charlie arrived at the gym at a quarter to eight, he was supposed to meet Tif outside and then they were going to walk in together. At five minutes to eight Tif arrived and the two walked in hand and hand. Everything was going perfectly fine until an hour into the dance…

“Are you having a good time?”
“Mhm, are you?”
“Yeah. Do you want some punch?”
“Ok that would be great, thanks.”
“No problem.”

Charlie left his date and walked over to the punch table. On the way back, Charlie noticed that Tif was checking her watch and looking impatient…

“Here’s your punch.”
“What punch? What are you talking about? Oh it’s you the freak from before, didn’t you get the message?”
“What? I asked you five minutes ago if you wanted some punch and now you’re acting like I have ebola or something.”
“Look just get the hell away from me or I’ll scream sexual harassment.”
“Ok, ok no problem I’ll leave.”

Charlie left the dance and waited in the parking lot for his Dad to come pick him up. He didn’t understand what was going on but it wasn’t the first time he had dealt with rejection and cruel tricks…

“Well whatever is going on, it was obviously some stupid trick that somebody played on me. Seymour was right; nobody could ever like me, why do I even bother. Wait, a minute the pills that must be it, she must be some kind of split personality type person and the pills keep her normal. That means that she really does like me, well at least part of her…so I have to deal with her other half, nobody’s perfect.”

Just then, Tif walked out looking worried and wondering what had happened to Charlie…

“There you are where did you go? One minute your getting punch the next you’re gone.”
“Sorry about that some of the kids who didn’t get dates were pissed at me and decided to lock me up in the janitor’s closet, it took me an hour to realize they didn’t lock the door. By then the dance was over, so I decided to wait out here.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah I’m fine it wasn’t the first time.”
“Well I’m relieved to see you’re alright, oh here’s my mom I gotta go. See you Monday?”
“Yeah see you Monday.”

Charlie was so happy that he had found somebody he didn’t care that half of her hated him. Nobody’s perfect. As long as she remembered to take her pills, she was fine. It was turning out to be a good couple of weeks for him; he got a new pet and half a girlfriend all at the same time. Who cares, if the pet was an undead groundhog and his girlfriend was a psycho, as far as Charlie was concerned he was happy to have the company. To bad his luck didn’t last, five minutes after Tif left some guys who didn’t get dates really did lock him in the janitor’s closet, and they didn’t forget to lock the door…

Djaggerton Report Autobahn Polizei

Blip has placed ads on some of my videos. If you see an ad, just click on it and it will open up a new window and skip the rest of the ad. You get what you want to see faster and you support the site as well. It’s win win!

In this episode I play Autobahn Polizei so you don’t have to. In this first segment: The Horrible Tutorial

Finally finished the horrible tutorial now onto the…cases?

I give up on trying to intercept a beer truck that has too much poison in it instead of beer. I actually beat this mission shortly after ending this piece by taking a huge jump right after the hill of death. Unfortunately not on video.

Charlie the 13 Year Old Poser Satanist Episode 4 Director’s Cut + Bonus

From what I can remember this episode was written well after the previous three. Yes even then the punctuated equilibrium style of posting was in full effect. For that year’s groundhog day I wrote a special story which I have just found again so I will post that right on top of episode 4. It turned into a companion piece for four. I also had a picture of a cute little groundhog wishing everyone a happy holiday and a rifle pointing at his head yes I was very disturbed high schooler. In the original text I wrote Army of Dead instead of Army of Darkness. Really the only thing that needs correcting other than changing let’s go to I’ll go.

Um..Yea that’s it…enjoy!


In zoos all across the country, groundhogs are preparing for the one day of the year when they get their fifteen minutes of fame. The eyes of the nation are glued to these furry little rodent creatures on February 2nd. Why does everyone care about groundhogs on this particular date? One reason is that EVERYONE IS INSANE. Another reason is that people believe the groundhog and his shadow determine whether we have lots more winter or lots less winter. Nobody knows why people believe this baseless fact; they just know that on February 2nd the groundhogs are in control….


“…In other news tomorrow is Groundhog Day, yes Groundhog Day. People all across the country will be gathering at local zoos to see if the cute little guy will see his shadow or not which will somehow affect the revolution of the earth and give us more or less winter…”

“HOLY SHIT GROUNDHOG DAY IS TOMORROW!!!!!! I Squeashy the cutest groundhog this pathetic town has ever seen MUST PREPARE…wait what am I excited for nobody ever comes to see me. I have no friends nobody loves me…but maybe this year will be different yes everyone will come for miles around to check if there’re gonna have more winter or not…but then again does anybody really believe in the power of the groundhog…?”


“Crap almost time…I don’t even think I can go through with it…what if nobody comes to see me I’ll probably be so depressed I’ll be on my toilet with a shotgun in my mouth five minutes later…but what if they do come I can’t disappoint them…Ok I’ll do it I’ll go topside so the stupid stink people of this town will know what their fate is…”






Charlie the Thirteen-Year-Old Poser Satanist
Episode 4 – Night of the Kind-of Living Dead

Every once and a while, Seymour gets a bright idea, usually this means that Charlie has to hop on his bike and peddle somewhere he doesn’t really want to go. One time it was to the Seven Eleven on the bad side of town just because Seymour wanted a slurpee. Another time it was the morgue to see if the cadavers ever walk around at midnight. Then there was the time when Seymour decided that since the cadavers at the morgue don’t walk around at midnight it would be cool to make them…

“Hey kid what ya doing? Homework? Research paper that’s due in six months? Hmm? C’mon you can tell your old pal Seymour.”
“If you have to know Seymour I’m looking at cheap Valentine’s Day gifts on Ebay, it’s this Friday you know.”
“Hah, like anyone of those estrogen freaks would have anything to do with you.”
“Well you never know and you always tell me it’s good to be prepared.”
“Yeah yeah I know what I said I did say it after all…Hey I got an idea, while you’re on that there Ebay thing try searching for a book called the Necronomicon, doesn’t have to be the original, any edition will do.”
“Oh no not another idea Seymour last time you had me going to the morgue in the middle of the night, and isn’t that necro-whoozit the book from that Army of Darkness movie?”
“Yup that it is me boy and don’t worry if you don’t want to go back to the morgue I won’t make you.

Two days later the copy of the Necronomicon that Charlie had bought on Ebay arrived…

“Hey Charlie maybe you should get some sleep.”
“Why Seymour?”
“Cuz we’re hittin the morgue again tonight now that we got the book.”
“What? But you said I wouldn’t have to go back there.”
“Look do we have to go through this every time I suggest something? I mean all I’m tryin to do is make you into a good little Satanist so that you can have tons of friends, and this is the thanks I get.”
“Your right Seymour I’m sorry, I’ll go.”

After a two hour nap and five of Loco Paco’s Supremo Tacos later Charlie and Seymour arrive at the morgue…

“Well here we are Seymour now what?”
“Simple, pick a dead guy. Anybody would do but try to pick one who still got all his parts if you catch my drift.”

Charlie selected his “dead guy” who was once William Forest Van Husen the wealthy banker who used to live out in the outskirts of town…until he died that is…

“Ok kid now open up to the page I showed you and start reading.”
“Ok Seymour here goes.”

Charlie began to read the mystic words that were going to raise the late Mr. Van Husen from his slumber. There was just one problem, nothing was happening. Suddenly, something that appeared to be a semi-decomposed groundhog crashed through the window and landed at Charlie’s feet…

“Well Charlie it appears to be a semi-decomposed groundhog that has been reanimated by a bunch of mystic words…come to think of it he looks kind of like that groundhog that kooky farmer shot last Sunday when he didn’t like its forecast, remember, it sparked mass groundhog killings across the country.
“Holy crap I think you’re right Seymour.”
“Damnit that stupid Ebay vendor sold us the wrong book ours makes animal zombies not human ones.”
“Well what are we gonna do I mean we created him, don’t want some crazy revenge trip like out of that Shelley lady’s Frankenstein book.”
“Well if you’re gonna take him home I hope you know it’s a big responsibility and all that.”
“I know Seymour I’ll take good care of him; I think I’ll call him Frankie after that Frankenstein monster.”
“Ok well we should get going wouldn’t want anybody to find us here with an undead groundhog.”
“Yeah you’re right let’s go.

An hour and three special colonic cannon enchiladas, courtesy of Loco Paco, later Charlie and Seymour were back at his house…

“Hmm, let’s see he looks hungry I wonder what I could feed him.”
“Well zombies in the movies are cannibals maybe we can feed him some of our gerbils?”
“Okay sounds like an idea.”

With Frankie the zombie groundhog munching happily on a gerbil leg, and Charlie fast asleep after another hard day, we close this chapter in Charlie’s quest to be a good Satanist for all the wrong reasons.