It Came From the SPAAAAAAM Folder!!!! TARDIS Edition

Spam was better back in 06 and 07.  Don’t believe me? Well then step into my little blue box and see for yourself…

 

Now it may look like a tight fit but trust me there is PLENTY of room.  Yes yes it’s bigger on the inside now then off to those aforementioned years for….It Came From the SPAAAAAAM Folder!!!!

 

The first example of internet flotsam and jetsam (read used condom coming in on the tide) comes from the glorious year of 2006.  Yes 2006 if you can’t remember what was going on then maybe this http://www.historyorb.com/events/date/2006 will give you a refresher.

 

Anyway onto the spam!

Dated Thu, September 7, 2006 3:48:20 PM the subject reads:

When I came to apply for a job I knew that the manager

Now who wouldn’t be interested in this?  Around this time I was a recent graduate and of course the job search was ongoing so any advice no matter source was welcome.  I was hoping for something to help me land that dream job.  I was not expecting this:

Y0u think there is nothing spec1@l @bout your
friend but he is alway$ surrounded by the prettiest w0men.
M@ybe he is u$ing Ultra Allure Pher0mones.
LINK REMOVED FOR SAFETY

Well maybe I should have known better.  Hooray random replacement of letters with characters and a body that has not a damn thing to do with the subject.   I love the assumption as well.  My friend is surrounded by women he must be using some obscure product that no one has heard of because it obviously works so well.  It couldn’t be that he’s good with the ladies, NOO perish the thought.

Well that is it for 2006 yes we all lived through it all so let’s move on shall we off to 2007.  Here’s another refresher http://www.historyorb.com/events/date/2007.

This piece of internet superhighway rest stop bathroom graffiti was dated Thu, November 29, 2007 5:44:14 AM.  What is it with Thursdays?  Never ignore a coincidence unless of course you’re busy then always ignore a coincidence.

The subject reads:

Ferreri Maricela

How could I resist?  Who is this person that sounds like an Italian sports car made for very tiny people with way too much money?  So clickity click we go and the body is a doozie!

 

We promise it now: Without curative effect , will return the fund!
Right off the bat they try to instill some trust.  Looks like they’ll give you your money back if it fails.  Well what could go wrong?
Dedicate to your lover

Oh goody one of THOSE.

The male protection organization of the world recommends to you :
Or maybe not?  The male protection organization of the world?  The MPOOTW have recommended this product? Well then it must be bloody fantastic.  Wait how long has this organization been around?  Is there a handshake?  What exactly are they protecting us from?  Is there an amazonian uprising we don’t know about going on in 2007?

You guys have made my dreams come true
LINK REMOVED

We sell in stability for 6 years, Think we have advantage of prices at the same time

SIX YEARS?  Now I’m trying to conserve power so we won’t be joyriding throughout the rest of this decade looking for proof but I highly doubt it.
You give us a chance, we return a miracle to you!

A miracle really?   Does the pope know about this?

We advise you to use: 6 BOTTLES OF MEGADIK + 3 FREE BOTTLES
That is the best course of treatment, and there are discounts!

9 BOTTLE OF MEGADIK?  Where do I sign holy crap I must have this  and there are discounts you say tell me more.

Now is the special discount time!

Yes yes you mentioned that already.

We visit the customer regularly, accept the suggestion of some customers at the same time

Wait wait you’ll visit me if I order this?  I hope you’ll call first.

enhance your anatomy
LINK REMOVED.

Kinda figured it was self explanatory with a name like MEGADIK and all.

Our customer’s message:
I cannot afford the ridiculous prescription costs since I have no health insurance and am unemployed. Your discount rates on the Internet really helped me, and your staff was very knowledgeable and helpful. I saw immediate results, and now I have regained the confidence I had when I was younger, in the bedroom. -Kenneth, Salt Lake City

Well it obviously worked for Kenneth they should hire him to write these emails his english is better

You have our hest wishes for even greater success in all that you undertake!

Hest? and thanks? Is that to Kenneth or to me?

spamhaus@yahoo.cn
W11

Oh never mind then well that explains it all.

 

I hope you enjoyed this pleasant trip through time now then we’re coming back in so take care of yourself and be kind to yourself and tune in next time fooooooor….It Came From the SPAAAAAAM Folder!!!!

SPECIAL BONUS GOING AWAY PRESENT FROM 2006 THE ORIGINAL It Came From the SPAAAAAAM Folder!!!!

20060322 00:27:00 http://drphilisdadevil.livejournal.com/5324.html
Hello one and all welcome to the first of I hope to be many episodes of IT CAME FROM THE SPAAAAAAM FOLDER!!!

In this punctuated equilibrium livejournal series I will be bringing you stupid, funny, or another spamtastic adjective, type emails that come directly from my Yahoo! Mail Bulk folder.

For some reason I get about 6 or 7 of these every day.  Most of them are standard LOOKY PORN types or free viagra but a few special gems do come in every now and again and it is these that I will bring to you here in IT CAME FROM THE SPAAAAAAM FOLDER!!!

Let’s get started.

The first email of the night has a subject containing the words “Your neighbors lost their alarm clock”  Now who wouldnt be curious as to the contents of this little piece of internet shit.  Upon opening the email we are presented with a one liner in n00bish as well as a link to who the hell knows what because I don’t like spyware and viruses.  I swear I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried…

With our S0ft Cialis Tabs y0u will be able to chop the w00d w1th your dick.(Warning: don’t try it).
I really do appreciate the warnings I can just imagine the stream of news reports that would come out if people weren’t warned about engaging in this particular activity.

Our next little piece of human generated online stupidity just happens to have a subject line that’s word for word the same as its body the only difference is that the former ain’t in n00bish…
Subject: The size of your penis is your definition of life, define it with Advanced Gain Pro Penis     Enlargement Pills.
Body: The size of your penis i$ your defin1tion of life, define it with Advanced Gain Pro Penis Enl@rgement Pills.

Finally, we have an email from one connery_brian.  This email has a simple one word “Hello!”  Well isn’t that nice maybe ol’ Brian is looking for a friend or maybe not…

“Your neighbors lost their alarm-clock.
Don’t worry, the sounds of your satisfaction from having sex with our new Soft Cialis Tabs
will make them wake up every morning or even have sleepless nights if you enlarge your dose.

You seem to have everything in your life but good sex.
Our Soft Viagra tabs will complete your life.
Hello!
My name is Erectile Dysfunction.
I have a lot of friends such us: bad sex, awful mood, dissatisfied wife, short erections and spoiled condoms.
But I do have one enemy – its name is Soft Cialis Tabs.
When they appear, I disappear. ”

Oh look the lost body of our first email and didn’t he say his name was Brian?  Maybe this is a one character short play or a poem he wants to share with the world, or maybe its just another one of those online colostomy bags THAT CAME FROM THE SPAAAAAAM FOLDER!!!!!

Comic Books are expensive and overwhelming…NOT!: A quick guide on how to start

So you’ve been hearing some good things about comic books but you don’t know where to start?  This post is all about breaking down your fears and misconceptions and getting you reading without going bankrupt.

Misconception #1: I have to read 70 years worth of stuff just to know what’s going on

This is a pretty common misconception.  With both DC and Marvel having series approaching 600 issues and beyond, new readers think they need to read all 600 issues to “get” what’s going on.  You don’t.  In the case of DC they rebooted their entire universe in the eighties and everything restarted and they always start new series.

As far as Marvel, they generally don’t reboot the whole universe but they do have status quo changing events that set up the next year or two.  They also explain in comic about events and characters so you never feel totally lost.  Couple this with summaries of not just the current arc but the entire current world of each character presented at the beginning of each issue.  The recap page will get you up to speed even if you are jumping on mid story.  As a last resort you can always get a coarse summary of the character’s history on wikipedia.

Now is a great time to be getting into comics.  Marvel is starting a new status quo called the Heroic Age which will reboot or restart many of  the classic characters and super teams.  It is a very exciting time to get into Marvel with lots of homages to the original works by Stan “The Man” Lee.  The Avengers are fighting Kang the conqueror again for Peter Parker’s sake.  It’s the next golden age of comics if you can believe Marvel and if the last couple of years are any indication they are right.

DC is also starting a year long event called Brightest Day which is a great jumping on point. Honestly DC is not my area of expertise but from what I have been seeing, it’s a good time to get in on them as well.

You may have heard that Captain America died, well he did (sort of) but he is now back and will be leading a black ops team of Avengers consisting of Beast, Nova, Moon Knight and others.

You may have also heard that Batman died, well he did (kind of) and he is currently crawling his way back.

Misconception #2: Comics are expensive

If you want to keep it local, head to your local comic book store.  Odds are their are tons of people with similar interests working and shopping there that are all to eager to guide and advise.  Heck half the books out there deal with Heroes paying it forward by teaching the next generation.  It’s practically part of the DNA.  Make sure you ask them about any sales or regular in store events like 10% of Wednesdays etc..  Also ask about frequent buyer programs like spend a 100 get 20 back.

If the internet is more your thing, you can always subscribe directly to the company.  You will be able to get discounts pretty close to half off but know that not every title will be available for subscription, especially the limited series.  I also highly recommend www.mailordercomics.com.  They offer 38% off or more of the cover price on any comic coming out.  However with them you are ordering two months in advance and are dependent on the short blurbs of the solicits to decide on your choices.

Trade Paperbacks are a great way to catch up or just dip your toes in a little.  Think of them as director’s cuts. They generally collect a limited series or a set of recent story arcs.  They also sometimes include some background information on the development process.  They are a great way to see if comics are for you.

The best advice I have on how to get started is to just get started.  Pick a character and follow them odds are they will lead you to other books due to constant cross overs and guest appearances.  If you have no interest in super heroes, IDW and Dynamite have other popular culture icons with current or recently finished series.  Transformers, Doctor Who, GI Joe, Buffy and the rest of the Whedonverse, The A-team, Robocop, Terminator, Jurassic Park, Ghostbusters all have comics either currently ongoing, coming this summer, or came out in the last year.

So you really have no excuse, no matter what your favorite character or piece of pop culture is, you can find it in your local comic shop written and drawn by people just as fanatic as you.  So get out there and happy reading.